MeganDawn_Writes as MystikCeleste

 I have been quite fascinated with the topic of love and falling in love, the last couple months. Back in December, I wrote about realizing that I have never truly been in love. That realization has been on my mind a lot since occurring to me.  I was talking to a friend, today, about relationships and love and being independent. He had some very interesting insights on being independent and commented that he felt that a person could become too independent. And no, this wasn't a guy being a typical guy and trying to say that women need men. He was adamant that men are just as guilty of being too independent and thinking that they don't need a woman.  He was also quick to clarify that there was nothing wrong with being independent, but he believes that we all need someone in our lives to be there for us, to offer support, and all of that. I'm paraphrasing and summing up, here. And I agree with him 100%. I have to say, it was very fascinating to hear the views of this topic,...

  2024 First, let's talk about 2024. The last few days, I have seen many social media posts about the kind of 2024 people had. Some had a wonderful year - and I love that for them. Some had a hard and traumatic year - and my heart goes out to them. Some had a year that was either both good and bad, or neither good or bad - it was a year of ups and downs. Me, I have always been one of those people that will post about the bad as quickly as I post about the good. Life is both and so both should be acknowledge and respected and even celebrated. For without the bad, we cannot have the good. And without the good, we cannot have the bad.  So, what was 2024 to me?  It was progress and regression. It was pain and joy. It was grief and understanding. See, both good and bad.  There was no catastrophic or over joyous events, this year. Mostly, it was a year of continuing to deal with the events, trauma's, and lessons of 2023. It was a continuation of learning who I am, what I a...

 So I was watching The Merry Gentleman, earlier this week, and I had an epiphany.  I know I have talked, often, in this blog about being in love and how I am pretty sure that it has never truly happened to me. Since my last blog, I have become even more convinced of that. I have also accepted that - at least for now - it will remain that way. And I am okay with that.  Writing about things has always been part of my process of figuring things out and trying to understand them. My mind is always so chaotic. Writing things down gets them out of my head and allows me to truly see them and analyze them. In a lot of ways, this blog is my version of Dumbledore's Pensieve.  I have come to the realization that one of the reasons I was always so reluctant to watch romance movies was because they are a constant reminder of what I have never had. There are very few romance movies that make my top 20 of favorite movies, much less my top 10. And they’re not even considered romance...

  Teardrops are falling Down your face again, 'cause I  Don't know how to love you when I am broken, too Maybe your words make sense I could be the problem, I'm so sorry I know we could just be friends But I don't know when we come down from this, softly Checking on my phone, tryna see what I did last night Baby, I'm hating on myself 'cause I hate it when I make you cry  I know I have written about this, before, but I cannot stop thinking about this whole 'never having been in love' thing. It's kind of becoming an obsession. Not in a bad way or an in denial kind of way. Just the opposite, in fact. Looking back on my past and my previous relationships, I am 99.9% that it is true.  It's the question of 'why' that has become the obsession.  Am I incapable of being in love?  Clearly, I am capable of loving because I know I love my children beyond all reason. And there are a few friends that I know that I love. I know that I love them because ...

  Life gets hard and it gets messed up When you give so much, but it's not enough When the high's too high and the low's too low When you love someone and they let you go Don't you let it kill you Even when it hurts like hell Oh, whatever tears you apart Don't let it break your heart Time takes time to heal it You can't do it by yourself Oh, whatever tears you apart Don't let it break you heart. - Don't Let It Break Your Heart by Louis Tomlinson released in 2020 on his album Walls Okay, I know I used this song in the last blog. But it's just that good that it fits this one, too. Anyway... This whole finding myself and healing thing has been a very long process. It started back in October of 2018, when my last relationship ended. I had to face the knowledge that I had - for the 3rd time in a row - allowed myself to get in a relationship with an abusive, narcissistic, controlling person. That realization didn't sit well, and I went a bit crazy for ...

  Grew up in a small town And when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my window Dreaming of what could be And if I'd end up happy I would pray (I would pray)  Trying hard to reach out But when I tried to speak out Felt like no one could hear me Wanted to belong here But something felt so wrong here So I would pray (I would pray) I could break away I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly I'll do what it takes til I touch the sky And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change And break away - Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson, released on her 2004 album Breakaway What a great song. So much power and pain, heart and soul packed into those 4 minutes. The emotion that Kelly puts into every word is hauntingly beautiful, heart breaking, and way too relatable. The first time I heard this song, it went straight to my soul. I felt every single word in every fiber of my being.  I have spent most of my life in this very small town. My relationship with this pl...

  We raise our glass You bet your ass La Vie Boheme To days of inspiration Playing hookie Making something out of nothing The need to express  To communicate To go against the grain Going insane Going mad To loving tension No pension To more than one dimension To starving for attention Hating convention Hating pretension - La Vie Boheme from the musical Rent, written by Jonathan Larson Rent is one of the best musicals to ever be brought into existence. It goes without saying that Larson was a genius. But Rent is a bona fide masterpiece. It is fast and furious, fun and heartbreaking. The songs are rocking and danceable. The story is brutally honest and completely inspiring. I have seen several versions of this musical - from the OG Broadway cast to the Rent Live on Broadway that is on Amazon Prime to the 2010 Hollywood Bowl version and love them all. But I adore that Hollywood Bowl version and someday Neil Patrick Harris and I will have a conversation about releasing it to stre...

I heard you're goin round, Playin the victim now But don't even begin feelin I'm the one to blame 'Cause you dug your own grave After all the fights and the lies, that you wanted to haunt me But that won't work any more No more, uh uh, it' over "Cause if it wasn't for all your torture I wouldn't know how to be this way now And never back down So I wanna say thank you 'Cause it makes me that much stronger Makes me work a little bit harder  So thanks for makin me a fighter - as sung by Darren Criss as Blaine, Season 3 of Glee Episode 15 Big Brother - original song by  Social Anxiety Something I understand, but never thought would be a problem I would face in my battle with my Mental Health. I love people.  Or, I used to. I have always had trust issues. But you don't need to trust people to sing and dance and make them laugh. I have always been great at the surface social interactions.  But letting someone get close, I have never been good at t...