MeganDawn_Writes as MystikCeleste

 I have been quite fascinated with the topic of love and falling in love, the last couple months. Back in December, I wrote about realizing that I have never truly been in love. That realization has been on my mind a lot since occurring to me.  I was talking to a friend, today, about relationships and love and being independent. He had some very interesting insights on being independent and commented that he felt that a person could become too independent. And no, this wasn't a guy being a typical guy and trying to say that women need men. He was adamant that men are just as guilty of being too independent and thinking that they don't need a woman.  He was also quick to clarify that there was nothing wrong with being independent, but he believes that we all need someone in our lives to be there for us, to offer support, and all of that. I'm paraphrasing and summing up, here. And I agree with him 100%. I have to say, it was very fascinating to hear the views of this topic,...

  "What's the point?" I'll be honest, I have asked myself this question too many times in this last week.  I know some of you are thinking that this is a ridiculous and very dramatic way to react to my car giving out on me. But this was just one more block of the many that have been thrown in my path since September. And when you have too many types of anxiety - including paranoia, PTSD, and panic disorder - sometimes being rational is just beyond comprehension.  Full disclosure? I feel like things have been one thing after another since April 11, 2023. And I have wondered, many times, if I am being punished for my failure on that day. It's possible I have not dealt with that day as well as I thought. Or at all... And, just when it seems that things are finally going to go my way, something new happens. Yes, I know that most people feel like this at some point in their lives. But for me, with my disorders and history, these feelings can manifest into feelings of f...

  2024 First, let's talk about 2024. The last few days, I have seen many social media posts about the kind of 2024 people had. Some had a wonderful year - and I love that for them. Some had a hard and traumatic year - and my heart goes out to them. Some had a year that was either both good and bad, or neither good or bad - it was a year of ups and downs. Me, I have always been one of those people that will post about the bad as quickly as I post about the good. Life is both and so both should be acknowledge and respected and even celebrated. For without the bad, we cannot have the good. And without the good, we cannot have the bad.  So, what was 2024 to me?  It was progress and regression. It was pain and joy. It was grief and understanding. See, both good and bad.  There was no catastrophic or over joyous events, this year. Mostly, it was a year of continuing to deal with the events, trauma's, and lessons of 2023. It was a continuation of learning who I am, what I a...

 So I was watching The Merry Gentleman, earlier this week, and I had an epiphany.  I know I have talked, often, in this blog about being in love and how I am pretty sure that it has never truly happened to me. Since my last blog, I have become even more convinced of that. I have also accepted that - at least for now - it will remain that way. And I am okay with that.  Writing about things has always been part of my process of figuring things out and trying to understand them. My mind is always so chaotic. Writing things down gets them out of my head and allows me to truly see them and analyze them. In a lot of ways, this blog is my version of Dumbledore's Pensieve.  I have come to the realization that one of the reasons I was always so reluctant to watch romance movies was because they are a constant reminder of what I have never had. There are very few romance movies that make my top 20 of favorite movies, much less my top 10. And they’re not even considered romance...

"It doesn't have to be deep Doesn't have to be hard. If we want it. Do you want it? Yeah, I want it. Then lower that guard. Finding my maturity Stepping into a new spark. Do I got it? Yeah, you got it, really got it.  Then we could start Getting a little bit closer Going beyond what's on paper Unexpected life can happen when you make room. Keeping up the composure, but  Probably not for much longer. Cuz if you let it in For just a second, suddenly Something here may want to bloom." - Bloom from In Pieces: A New Musical written by Joey Contreras and performed by Antonio Cipriano and Stephanie Torns, released in June 2024 I have really been giving a lot of thought to this never having been in love thing. I have wondered how this has affected the way I view everything else in my life - like my favorite movies and shows and the characters in them that I relate the most too. More on that in the next blog. And I have been wondering if that has - without me realizing it ...

  Oh, Philip, when you smile I am undone My son, look at my son Pride is not the word I'm looking for There is so much more inside me now Oh, Philip, you outshine the morning sun My son When you smile, I fall apart And I thought I was so smart - Dear Theodosia by Lin-Manuel Miranda as performed by Lin-Manuel and Leslie Odom Jr. in the musical Hamilton Well, neither of my kids is named Phillip, but everything else in this song describes how I feel about my boys. All through my teenage years, I was told that I would most likely not be able to have kids. I don't remember all the medical jargon, but there is some kind of abnormality in my uterus or uterine lining or something. This is the reason my periods have always been abnormal and has caused other issues throughout my teen and adult years. So, I had made my peace - at a young age - that I would never be a mom. Around April of 1995, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared but so happy. A few mo...