MeganDawn_Writes as MystikCeleste

  2024 First, let's talk about 2024. The last few days, I have seen many social media posts about the kind of 2024 people had. Some had a wonderful year - and I love that for them. Some had a hard and traumatic year - and my heart goes out to them. Some had a year that was either both good and bad, or neither good or bad - it was a year of ups and downs. Me, I have always been one of those people that will post about the bad as quickly as I post about the good. Life is both and so both should be acknowledge and respected and even celebrated. For without the bad, we cannot have the good. And without the good, we cannot have the bad.  So, what was 2024 to me?  It was progress and regression. It was pain and joy. It was grief and understanding. See, both good and bad.  There was no catastrophic or over joyous events, this year. Mostly, it was a year of continuing to deal with the events, trauma's, and lessons of 2023. It was a continuation of learning who I am, what I a...

 So I was watching The Merry Gentleman, earlier this week, and I had an epiphany.  I know I have talked, often, in this blog about being in love and how I am pretty sure that it has never truly happened to me. Since my last blog, I have become even more convinced of that. I have also accepted that - at least for now - it will remain that way. And I am okay with that.  Writing about things has always been part of my process of figuring things out and trying to understand them. My mind is always so chaotic. Writing things down gets them out of my head and allows me to truly see them and analyze them. In a lot of ways, this blog is my version of Dumbledore's Pensieve.  I have come to the realization that one of the reasons I was always so reluctant to watch romance movies was because they are a constant reminder of what I have never had. There are very few romance movies that make my top 20 of favorite movies, much less my top 10. And they’re not even considered romance...

"It doesn't have to be deep Doesn't have to be hard. If we want it. Do you want it? Yeah, I want it. Then lower that guard. Finding my maturity Stepping into a new spark. Do I got it? Yeah, you got it, really got it.  Then we could start Getting a little bit closer Going beyond what's on paper Unexpected life can happen when you make room. Keeping up the composure, but  Probably not for much longer. Cuz if you let it in For just a second, suddenly Something here may want to bloom." - Bloom from In Pieces: A New Musical written by Joey Contreras and performed by Antonio Cipriano and Stephanie Torns, released in June 2024 I have really been giving a lot of thought to this never having been in love thing. I have wondered how this has affected the way I view everything else in my life - like my favorite movies and shows and the characters in them that I relate the most too. More on that in the next blog. And I have been wondering if that has - without me realizing it ...

  Oh, Philip, when you smile I am undone My son, look at my son Pride is not the word I'm looking for There is so much more inside me now Oh, Philip, you outshine the morning sun My son When you smile, I fall apart And I thought I was so smart - Dear Theodosia by Lin-Manuel Miranda as performed by Lin-Manuel and Leslie Odom Jr. in the musical Hamilton Well, neither of my kids is named Phillip, but everything else in this song describes how I feel about my boys. All through my teenage years, I was told that I would most likely not be able to have kids. I don't remember all the medical jargon, but there is some kind of abnormality in my uterus or uterine lining or something. This is the reason my periods have always been abnormal and has caused other issues throughout my teen and adult years. So, I had made my peace - at a young age - that I would never be a mom. Around April of 1995, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared but so happy. A few mo...

Don't mind me I'm a fuck up, a manic depressive, a loser, a best friend You might call it human So, don't mind me if I let you down 'Cause I promise I always I'm doing the best that I can Look around a little and it ain't that bad I guess it's hard to understand Life when it hits you in the face with a backhand I'm doing the best that I can Over and over getting up when I fall back  Tell me is this part of the plan?  Fuck it. Keep my head up. I'm doing the best I Don't mind me (I'm doing the best I can.)  - Don't Mind Me by Tyler Posey, released in 2023 on his album Unravel  This song can apply to many people in many situations. For me, it's the perfect explanation of what it is like being me. I've said it before and I am sure I will say it many more times in my life, most of Tyler's songs are way too relatable for me. It's like he could have written them about my life. The fact that they are all about his own life, and wh...

  Teardrops are falling Down your face again, 'cause I  Don't know how to love you when I am broken, too Maybe your words make sense I could be the problem, I'm so sorry I know we could just be friends But I don't know when we come down from this, softly Checking on my phone, tryna see what I did last night Baby, I'm hating on myself 'cause I hate it when I make you cry  I know I have written about this, before, but I cannot stop thinking about this whole 'never having been in love' thing. It's kind of becoming an obsession. Not in a bad way or an in denial kind of way. Just the opposite, in fact. Looking back on my past and my previous relationships, I am 99.9% that it is true.  It's the question of 'why' that has become the obsession.  Am I incapable of being in love?  Clearly, I am capable of loving because I know I love my children beyond all reason. And there are a few friends that I know that I love. I know that I love them because ...