Music and It's Beautifully Haunting Hold On Me

 See, I've been bravin' crazy weather

Drowin' out my cries.

I pull myself together

I'm focused on the prize. 

I'm fallin' baby, through the sky, through the sky

I'm fallin' baby, through the sky. 

It's my callin' baby, don't you cry, don't you cry.

I'm fallin' through the sky.

It's a tune you can hum

Oh, Broadway, here I come. 

- Broadway, Here I Come as sung by Jeremy Jordan as Jimmy Collins on Smash - The TV Series, Episode 1 of Season 2 

What a great show Smash was. Yes, it had its bumps and areas that needed work and could have been improved. And I know there was drama behind the scenes. At its heart, though, Smash was beautiful with intriguing stories. The cast was great, the music was catchy and helped tell the stories well, and it gave an interesting look at life on Broadway.

Most importantly - for me, anyway - is that it introduced me to the phenomenal talent that is Jeremy Jordan and begun his long and impactful inspiration on my life. And set me on the path that I now find myself in chasing my dreams. Someday, I hope to be able to tell him, in person, what an influence he has been on me and thank him.

But, for now ... 

I know I talk about music, so much. I think I have mentioned it in almost every blog. I start most of them with a quote from a song. And when I post them, they are always set to music. 

Music has always been so important to me. For most chapters of my life, it's played such a major role. Especially in the last 4 years. 

For 3 years - from 2015 to 2018 - what music I could listen to and when I could listen became more and more regulated by the person I was dating. It is so easy to forget how important something is to you when your access is so strictly controlled.

In the last 4 years, since getting out of that ... situation ... music has consumed me more and more every day. 

And in the last several months, I have found that I get this restless feeling that only goes away when I am listening to music. Whether it is a playlist I have made, one Apple Music has made for me, a soundtrack to one of the many musicals I love, or a musical I am watching - I have to have music. 

When I am not listening, my mind races and my body gets all jittery. I feel like a part of me is missing. But as soon as I turn on one of those playlists or one of my musicals, that all goes away. Suddenly, I feel whole and at home and peace flows through my whole being. Even when I go to bed, I can feel the music calling to me. It takes forever to get my mind and body to calm down enough to fall asleep. 

All I want to do, now, is sing and dance and write and perform. 

Since the summer, I started getting more and more serious about dancing and singing. I have begun to study both, as well as choreography. I have been searching for some kind of studio or small space to rent so I can practice freely. Here at home, I have to sing and dance quietly now that I have to do it inside. Unfortunately, space like that is not easy to find in my little backwoods corner of Ohio. 

I have even started to feel a pull to learn how to play the piano. I have actually searched for places that give lessons and looked into buying a mini piano or keyboard. My Grandmother was an amazing piano player and learning to play would be such an epic way to honor her memory and keep her close. 

Honestly, I have started to wonder if something in my psyche is trying to make up for all that time I lost. You know, the three years I wasted on the wrong person. Then another two or so, pretending I was okay yet running with people that really did not care about me. 

Hell, I remember one of them telling me that no one wanted to hear my music. We were at the bar, it was quiet, and we were talking about connecting one of our phones to the wifi to play music that way. I said that I would love to play some songs from my phone. Don't you know, one of those 'friends' looked me dead in my face and said "No one wants to hear your music." 

Proof that I don't just let my romantic partners have control over me. Apparently, I allow it with 'friendships' as well. Also, proof that I just belong on my own. But, I digress ... 

Maybe, now that my children are raised and are wonderful young men, my psyche knows that I can finally pursue the dreams I have harboured since I was 9 years old. Dreams of being part of the entertainment world, of being a writer and performer - writing for the biggest names in Broadway and working with my favorite Indie Artists. 

I have talked before about how much I would love to write for both Jeremy and Skylar. I would love to write a movie or musical that they would star in, together. I actually had an idea, not long ago, and started jotting down notes. I mentioned, already, that I would love to meet Jeremy some day and thank him for being such an inspiration. I would love to get that opportunity with Skylar, also. I would just like them to know how much of a positive influence they have had on this one life. 

It's clear that I know how to dream big. But I have also discovered a confidence and determination - that I have never possessed before - to make those dreams a reality. 

I also have the desire to work with actresses over 50 to help them in their fight for the right to not only continue working, but to get starring roles. And to not be treated as worthless because 'Hollywood' has deemed them no longer relevant. I know there is a movement going, already. But I would love to join that movement and help move it forward.

What does all of that have to do with music? Well, I don't know quite yet. But I will figure it out. As any regular reader knows, my blogs have a tendency to run off topic. Maybe, just joining the world of music and writing will be what leads me to that. Guess we will find out, soon enough. 

Anyway, back to the music. Not only has getting into the choreography given me a confidence I never had, it has given me a whole new perspective on music. Obviously, as a huge musical fan - I know that you can tell a story through dance. But it never hit me just how much of an impact that has on the story as whole, until I started practicing it myself. 

It's funny, it was through the music of Jeremy and Skylar that I discovered that I could be good at this. I have always loved dancing, but I never gave it a thought that I could do something more with it than getting the party started at the local bar or get together. 

But, one night while I was outside at night looking up at the moon and stars - listening to the Jeremy/Skylar playlist I made - I just started to dance. And I found that I was making up moves that told the story of each song I was listening to. 

So, I started going out a few times a week, and realized more and more, that I could do something with this new found talent. It's funny that this inspiration to dance came from these two men - as they are complete opposites when it comes to dancing. 

Jeremy has said that he cannot dance at all. Though, I have seen him do a pretty good job with the basic moves. He is better than he thinks he is. But Skylar - that boy can move. He is smooth as silk. Every time I see him dance, it makes me want to work harder. 

And their personal musical styles are opposites. Well, some of it. They do have the theatre music in common. I have heard them do the some of the same songs. And, though their voices are similar in key, they each bring their own style and vibrato to those songs. Just one of the many reasons I want to see them work together. 

But the music they are releasing to the world - complete opposites. 

Jeremy has a rock band called Age of Madness that is just phenomenal. They have released 5 singles since April 2022. They've had a few concerts and released merchandise. They are well on their way to being Rock God Status. 

Since June of 2021, Skylar has put out 7 singles - most of them of the Pop/Dance Genre, all exceptional. Since September, he has released a new song each month. Except October, where he accidentally released 2, much to the delight of us fans. He is already a triple threat, Superstar status is not far behind. 

Even more impressive, both of these extraordinary men are releasing their music as Indie Artists. Which is so inspiring and increases my respect and admiration for them. 

As an Indie Writer and soon to be Indie Author, I understand the difficulty in going this route. But it also allows the artist complete control over their work. And that is so important. I would actually love to be someone who helps Indie Artists get the recognition they deserve. Be it getting them on talk shows or in publications or on the radio. 

Yeah, I know, I have too many dreams. I also harbour a dream of a talk show  that strictly focuses on and interviews Broadway stars and the shows that are playing, both on and off Broadway. 

Back to Skylar and Jeremy - not only are these two so talented as singers and actors and dancers, they appear to be genuine and real human beings. Of course, I don't know them personally - but I have read and watched interviews. I follow them both on Social Media. Neither of them are very active, but what they have shared shows them as down to earth guys with a great sense of humor and mad respect and love for their families and friends. Very important qualities in being a human being. 

I know I have talked about both of these guys many times - hopefully not in a creepy way... But, maybe, by getting deeper insight into how they have affected my love of music and dance and entertainment, and given me the inspiration to finally chase my dreams, that is a bit more understandable. 

Another thing that got me into choreography is the show Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist. This show is the pure definition of telling the story through dance. Because that is, quite literally, what they do on it. It is beautiful and powerful and was even more proof that this was something I could do. 

As much as music is invading every fiber of my being, it is like it is no longer happy being my background companion or the secondary character of my story. Just like in a musical, the music cis demanding to be a main character that helps tell my story. With this new found affinity for dance and choreography, and a new determination for singing and writing and performing - maybe there is a reason for that. 

Broadway, Here I Come - Indeed! 

Originally posted on December 14, 2022

UPDATE - If possible, I am even more obsessed with music than I was when I wrote this. And I continue to admire Jeremy and Skylar as much as, if not more, than before. I still have all these desires to work and make a difference in everything I talked about. I am no longer calling them dreams - because they will become reality. So now they are desires. And I will be riding the fantastic journey ahead of me with the most killer soundtrack Apple Music has ever seen. Sadly, I have let the singing and dancing take a very neglected back seat to the writing. But that is about to change. I miss both and know I need to get back into them.