This Will Be Our Year

 The warmth of your love's like the warmth of the sun

And this will be our year, took a long time to come.

Don't let go of my hand, now the darkness has come.

And this will be our year, took a long time to come.

And I won't forget the way you held me up when I was down.

And I won't forget the way you said - 

"Darling, I love you"

You gave me faith to go on

Now we're there

 And we've only just begun

And this will be our year.

- This Will Be Our Year from Season 2 of the TV show Smash, as performed by Jeremy Jordan, Andy Mientus, Krysta Rodriguez, and Katherine McPhee - originally released by The Zombies

It's been 10 years since Smash Season 2 ended and we did not get a Season 3. 10 years and I am still salty about it. Smash was a great show. Sure, it had issues and its critics - but it had heart and soul and music and dancing. And it gave me Jeremy, Andy, and Krysta. 

And this song is the perfect way to start a blog about some of my own personal heroes. 

This blog is for the very few that have stayed by my side - no matter the distance between us, no matter the amount of time that has gone by, and no matter what crazy stuff I have done. In my community, we talk about our chosen family. You guys are mine. 

You guys have believed in me, supported me, lectured me when I needed it, listened when I could actually speak. You didn't spread the lies about me nor believe them. You were there to remind me that I was not alone when I couldn't speak or barely function. You have encouraged these wild and crazy ambitions of mine. Never telling me that I am crazy or that I shouldn't move or go to the city. Just believing in me and helping me to believe in myself. 

There will be countless times, in the coming years, where I will thank the 7 of you. Over and over, I will give you guys the honor and credit you deserve for keeping me alive - literally - and helping me on this journey. This is just the first of them. 

Mandy - One of my oldest and dearest friends. 40 years we have known each other. Through Girl Scouts, adolescence, the cliques of high school, and through the busy life of being adults and parents - no matter where we were at in our lives, I knew you were there. In the last 2 years, you have been my beacon of light and my rock of strength. 

Shellie - Also one of my oldest and dearest friends. Also 40 years. Through that time we have gone back and forth on being close and barely speaking, all just a matter of where life had taken us. In the last 2 years, that closeness returned. Not once have you said 'I told you so', though you had every reason too. You have been my voice of reason and my guiding light. 

Jason - The third of my oldest and dearest friends, also for 40 years. From day one, we had so much in common. You were the one that I could talk to about stuff that no one else understood or cared about. Though we did lose touch after high school, when we reconnected it was like no time had passed. In the last 2 years you have been my voice of sanity and the shoulder that kept from crumbling away. 

Shelly W - Though you may be gone, now, you are still in my heart. What you gave me through the 36 years that you were a part of my life will always be special. Even when you were dealing with your own struggles, you checked in on me. In the last 2 years, you somehow knew when I was close to the edge. You would be there, popping up out of nowhere, to talk me through it and bring me back. 

Beth - When we were growing up, I was the weird girl that was always with your cousins. But you never made me feel unwanted. No matter how much we were bugging you. Then, in my 20's, we found our friendship. Since then, you have proven to be one of the best friends I could ever ask for. In the last 2 years, you have been the bright light that made me laugh and the strength that kept me tough. 

Jen - For almost 31 years, you have been one of my biggest champions. Even at 16 years old, you showed me compassion and understanding. We were in and out of touch for several years, after graduation. But for the last 15 years, you have been one of the few constants in my life. I could not ask for a better bestie. In the last 2 years, you have been the anchor that has kept me grounded and the life raft that kept me from drowning. 

Re - Since 1994, you have been my sister. For a few years, that was literal. During that 6 years, you were my biggest competition and my best friend. Those years, going through what we did, forged an unbreakable bond. Even after years of being out of touch, you were still the one person that understood me and what I been through. Because you had been through it, too. In the last 2 years, you have been the sister that knew why I was feeling what I was feeling and the sunshine that made me smile. 

Without the 7 of you, I would not be here to start chasing these dreams. Much less exist at all. I would have given in to the pain and darkness when I broke, 2 years ago. Who I am now, where I am heading, I owe so much of it to you guys. 

Thank you for remembering that no one is perfect. Thank you for always being here for me. You will always be in my life and always show up in my stories. 

I say this is our year, because whatever success I achieve from this year on is not just mine. They will be ours. For I would not be able to go where I am headed if it were not for you guys. 

I don't know if I will ever be able to make you guys understand just how much I love and appreciate you. But I will spend the rest of my life - and career - doing my best. 

Originally posted on January 19, 2023 

UPDATE - Thankfully, most of these people are still a big part of my life. Mandy and Shellie and Jason and I remain closer than ever. Re and I and Jen and I talk when our busy lives allow us the time. And I know that Shelly W is still with me, still watching over me. Unfortunately, the current climate of the world has sent Beth and I on different paths of what we believe and who and what we support. But I will always be grateful to her for what she did for me. No difference of opinion will ever be able to take that away. And I wouldn't want it too.